Solace

The last two weeks have not been good to me personally.  These kind of weeks happen when you love someone (or several someones) who have substance abuse issues.  It can be very isolating, lonely, and frustrating when people you love slip away to a place where you can’t reach them, even when they’re right there in front of you. 

My thoughts exactly

 

I've experienced the effects of addiction so many times now in my life and within so many different relationships.  I used to cry, get angry, do anything in my power to stop the behavior, but what I’ve realized over time (and with professional help) is that you can’t stop someone who is determined to do something.  You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.  And so, I’ve learned to provide myself with self care during these times. 

I look for ways to make myself feel good (healthy ways, if you don't include the occasional primal scream and cookie binges…).  That means spending time with friends, walking and cuddling my puppy, evening trips to Barnes & Noble for a coffee, and it also means A LOT of barn time. 

 

I feel the most myself when I’m at the barn.  I feel strong, capable, and in control of my life.  I can forget, sometimes for hours, what is happening outside of the arena and barn. 

It is a true blessing in my life that I found horses, horse friends, the blogging community, and Gavin. 

First signs of spring

Here’s hoping the next week looks better *fingers crossed*